Silence Of The Soul
by Grace.Bella
Summary: You don't think they really care about you, do you? A familiar voice rings in his ears and Puck swallows, because the voice has a eerily similar tone to it that makes Puck feel sick. No one's noticed yet, so why would they now? Themes of abuse, Friendship Fic - Bella


Title:Silence Of the soul

Rating: M

Warnings: Swearing, sexual abuse

Summary:_You don't think they really care about you, do you?_ A familiar voice rings in his ears and Puck swallows, because the voice has a eerily similar tone to it that makes Puck feel sick. _No one's noticed yet, so why would they now?- Bella_

AN: This was inspired from an old prompt on Glee Angst Meme;

_Shelby gives in and her relationship with Puck becomes a lot more serious. When Figgins finds out that Puck and Shelby have slept together he calls a meeting in his office. With Puck, Shelby, Will and Emma all the room, he explains what he's found out, expresses concern about it and then he fires Shelby._

_Puck is so angry that he doesn't even realize what's coming out of his mouth until he finds himself asking why everyone cares so much that he slept with a teacher when he was eighteen and he wanted to when no one has ever cared that he slept with a teacher when he was fifteen and didn't._

_Cue epic guilt as all Puck's previous hints about Mr. Ryerson come flying back into the other's minds._

* * *

He doesn't want to be here. Sure, he's been here before, hell, he's _Puck_, of course he's been here before. But he doesn't want to be here for this reason. Because he knows she may lose her job, and he's scared about what that may mean for Beth. What if she did get taken away? What if Shelby had to move back to New York? He'd never see his baby girl again, and he doesn't think he can deal with that. No, he knows he can't deal with it. He couldn't last time and he defiantly won't be able to hold on this time. Not after he's had a taste of what a real family's like.

His leg is tapping a mile a minute and he keeps his hands stuffed in his pocket. He knows why he's here. He hasn't gotten in trouble all year. Even though his probation had ended in May, and it is now November, he still has kept his head down and out of trouble. So they don't have any other reason for him to be there.

He won't give anything up though.

He can't risk it.

So he focuses on the certificate's behind Figgins desk, and avoids Mrs. Pillsburys' worried looks and he keeps his hands in his pockets where they wont fidget, where they can't lash out and hit something or somebody. Nope, he can't have that happening again. He got in enough trouble with punching the cop when he crashed his car. The next thing he knew the guy was on top of him and all he could think was, _oh, shit, please not again._ Then his heart stopped and he was running on pure adrenaline and his arms were moving before his brain could yell stop.

Nope.

Can't let that happen again.

But hopefully, it won't come to it this time.

Figgins is sat in front of him, a brooding look on his aging feature's, but Puck hasn't looked up long enough to really read what he's thinking. They are waiting for Mr. Schuster to show up because…well, Puck doesn't really know why. He can handle this on his own. Maybe it was for, like moral support, or some shit like that. Or maybe so he'd hit Will and Figgins wouldn't have to take the blow. Puck doesn't know. He isn't a mind reader after all.

So he just sits there quietly, his leg twitching and staring at a certificate's behind Figgins desk that he's pretty sure the man doesn't really deserve.'

"Principal Figgins, you wanted to see me?" He knows exactly what Mr. Schuster's reaction is when he walks in to the room. He's known the man long enough now to peg him. A look of surprise will cross his face, and then disappointment. The surprise makes for a pleasant change though.

"William," Figgins greets him with that same stupid somber expression as Will takes a seat next to Puck. "I'm afraid we have a dilemma revolving around Mr. Puckerman and Mrs. Corcoran, I am waiting for the arrival of Mrs Corcoran for conformation on the issues."

Puck still doesn't look up, but he feels his guts twist, making him feel sick, because Figgins' has confirmed what he already knew and it's done nothing to settle his nerves. Then he feels something warm wrap around his shoulder and his eyes flick up to meet a pair of concerned, youthful eyes. "Puck, is everything okay? Is Beth alright?"

His comment is like a punch in the gut and Puck feels like he's going to be sick. How could he be so selfish, he thinks? What the hell was he thinking? Sleeping with Shelby was so stupid, she's going to get fired and Beth is going to have to go and it's going to be all his fault. He's never going to be able to see his little girl again all because he's too much of a selfish idiot to think about the consciences.

Mr. Schuster is still staring at him with a worried look on his face, oblivious to Puck's mental meltdown. Puck just hopes he stays inattentive to everything going on in his life. Will hasn't seen the type of things Puck has, the things that make you question life, make it seem dirty, stained. The green eyes that are staring at him are unaware of the true evil in this world. Eyes that were raised by two parents who loved him and were proud of him. Eyes that looked too young to be on the face of a thirty year old.

Puck knows what his eyes look like. They look tired and hard, with bags underneath them from where he doesn't get enough sleep. He knows his eyes seem too old to be on the face of an eighteen year old boy, they look as if they've seen too much.

He can't let Mr. Schuster know what he's seen, or what's he's heard and how he's seen and heard it. Even though Mr. Schuster is thirty years old, he's still young at heart, he still sees the good in people. Even when it's not really there.

So he can't let him know.

He can't risk it.

Because Puck's just damaged goods really, and he can't let anybody else know. Because when ever anybody finds out, they always just make a bigger crack in his already battered shied of armour.

_You don't think they really care about you, do you?_ A familiar voice rings in his ears and Puck swallows, because the voice has a eerily similar tone to it that makes Puck feel sick. _No one's noticed yet, so why would they now?_

So the voice reminds Puck that it's all just an act and the truth is they really don't care. Puck shrugs Mr. Schuster hand of his shoulder and ignores the look of hurt and understanding as he looks down and mutters, "She's fine."

Miss Pillsbury is trying to pry information off of Figgins' but the man is staying tight-lipped and Puck is thankful when Will gets distracted with asking question too.

Puck just stays silent, wishing the feeling in his gut would just go and that a random tear in space would just swallow him whole so he wouldn't have to deal with this.

He hears the door crack open and the start of a sentence before it dies on her lips and Puck knows that she knows. Shelby is intelligent enough to realize why they have all been called in to the office together. And the way she sits down and her eyes are on the floor and she looks as ill as Puck feels tells him she knows.

"Sir, why are we here, what's going on?" Mr. Schuster asks and Puck looks up to glance at him. His brows are drawn together in confusion and Puck thinks that he may actual care about what happens to Puck. Then the voice breathes in his ear and Puck cringes and crosses his arms as a shiver runs down his spine, as if he's actually there, breathing into his ear and Puck turns away from Will to glare at Figgins'.

Puck hopes that maybe if he glares hard enough, Figgins' will get freaked out and call the whole thing off. But Puck's never been that lucky.

Figgins' clears his throat and sits up a little straighter in his chair. "I have reason to believe that the relationship between Mr. Puckerman and Mrs. Corcoran goes past that of a what a student-teacher relation should consist of."

Puck's jaw twitches, Shelby stays silent and Will just looks more confused. Miss Pillsbury then ask softly, "What are you implying Principal Figgins'?"

The old man gets that say somber look on his face and continues to say, "I have been told, from an anonymous source that these two have started a sexual relation, which as you all know, is not allowed!"

Miss Pillsbury gasps and Will looks between the two of them. Puck doesn't move, but he can't help but call himself an idiot. He knew he should have kept his damn mouth shut, he knows exactly who the 'anoymous source' is. Besides Quinn, he hasn't told anybody else. He doesn't need them all on his back about this. He should have just stayed quiet like he did last time. He was right, you can't trust anybody with your damn secrets.

"Figgins' you don't actually believe that, do you?" Schue says. "I mean, think of all the bizarre rumors that go around this school."

Emma is nodding along with him. "That's right sir, you know how children can be."

"Yes, yes, I am well-aware. But I've already got the school board on my back about the reputation of the school, so this problem needs to be addressed immediately." Then he hits the table with his palm, for a dramatic effect or something.

Will nods and then turns to look at Puck who hasn't stopped glaring at Figgins, and simple says, "Puck?" And Puck knows he's being rude by not replying, that he should say something, that anything would be better than staying silent, but at that very moment, he just doesn't care. He doesn't want to deal with there shit right now.

"Well," Emma's voice cuts in. "This is Mrs. Corcoran chance to clear her name." and she makes a small sound at the back of her throat and nods. "I'm sure Mrs. Corcoran is professional enough to not engage in a very inappropriate relationship with one of her students."

So it's finally Shelby's turn to talk and she looks over at Puck for a moment. "I..." She starts, but then pauses and swallows. She stares at Puck for a second more, before turning to face Figgin's. "I'm afraid it's true." She says, and Will's head whips round so fast that Puck thinks he may have whiplash from it and all three of the adults mouths drop open. "I-I know it was wrong and I shouldn't have, but it wasn't until after that I realized the severity of what we had actually did...But I am sorry."

Puck digs his nails in to his arm until he's sure he's ether going to bruise his arms our make them bleed in weird crescent shapes.

Principal Figgins' nods slowly, contemplating the information before speaking. "I'm sure you realize the consequences and that you will be unable to continue to teach." Figgins' face is grim and if Puck looked, he would have seen the other teachers had the same look on there face.

But he doesn't look. He tightens his jaw to try and keep it bottled in, but he can't. "This is bullshit!" He hears somebody scorn him for his language, but doesn't really think about it, doesn't really care. The floodgates are open now, he can't stop it, doesn't want to stop it. It's all coming out, and he just want to be washed away with the current of his emotions and not care that it hurts some much. Doesn't want to acknowledge that his chest feels tight, like there's a steel bar squeezing tighter and tighter against his chest, making it hard to breath.

"Mr. Puckerman, please, calm down. Mrs. Corcoran is in violation of her responsibilities as a teacher and must-"

"So?" He yells. "What the hell is the big deal though, I'm eighteen. I'm legal!"

He doesn't realize that he's stood up until he feels Mr. Schuster grab his shoulder. "Puck, calm down." He demands, but Puck just shakes him off.

"I don't get what the big deal is," Puck stresses.

Figgins' frowns. "Despite that, Mrs. Corcoran is still violating her responsibilities. Regardless of age, it is not allowed." Puck can tell he's trying to stay calm, but his voice is slowly raising, wavering.

"This is bullshit man, you can't do this to her! You're firing her over some stupid shit. I wanted it for god sakes."

"Puck, that isn't the point." Mr. Schuester starts talking now, and he's trying to help calm Puck down, thinks that because he's his Glee coach or whatever, that they share a special bond or some bullshit. Puck doesn't share any special bonds with anyone, just Beth.

"Mr. Schuester right Noah." Miss. Pillsbury says, then there a slight pause, and Puck guesses she's glancing over towards Shelby brieftly. "Mrs. Corcoran is an authority figure, and still holds power over you and is taking advantage of that."

"But I don't get why it matters," he snaps. "You can't do this to her, it ain't fair! She has a kid to look after you can't fire her! Don't you get that I wanted this? That I kissed her first?"

"Puck, please try to understand-"

"But why does it matter so much? Why does it matter now!" And Puck knows he should have kept his mouth shut, that he'd end up saying something he'd regret. It's too late now.

"Now?" And Figgins' sounds outraged, probably because he doesn't want more scandals about the school getting out.

"You never cared last time! So what's the big fucking deal now?"

"Noah, what do you mean now?" Miss. Pillsbury asks, and Puck actually flinching at the use of his name. He always used to tell him what a nice name it was, how pretty it was.

"I mean Mr. Fucking Rhyerson, that's what!" And Puck hasn't noticed yet that he's trembling, but he knows his palms are sweating, and the room is too hot, too claustrophobic and Puck can't breath and they're all staring at him and Puck just feels sick. "I knew it was wrong," his voice sounds weird to his ears, it's shaking and seems small to him. "I wanted to sleep with her, but not, I didn't want to sleep with him and I just couldn't say no, but I told ma I didn't like him and I think he put something in my drink and I just...just why does it even matter. You didn't care then."

"Puck, I..." And somebody touches his shoulder and he flinches.

He can't do this anymore, he can't be here anymore.

It's too hot.

He feels sick.

They won't stop staring.

He turns and runs. Doesn't hear Will call after him, or Finn and Rachel try and stop him or that the jockes are spiting insults at him. He just runs.

He runs and runs, ignoring the almost painful pound of his heart and the tightness in his throat and the sting in his eyes and the buzz of his phone. He runs until he can't any more and when he stops, he realizes he's reached the town.

So then he starts walking, he walks until his feet are covered in blisters and he can't even step without it being painful and he wishing he hadn't worn his chealsea boots today. But he knows where he's going now and thinks he should get his car but he doesn't trust himself to drive right now. But it's dark by the time he gets to where he wants to be, and Puck doesn't know what the time is, because he's never seen the point in having a watch before and his phone is dead by that point.

He isn't too surprised to Ford Fiesta outside and if it was a year ago, he would have been jealous, but he's allowed a licence again now and has a bike as well.

Puck has been coming here since he was fifteen, three weeks after _it_ happened and he just couldn't cope. his Ma' still hadn't noticed and kept yelling at him about his 'damn attutude problem', and Puck hated himself for it, but he started to resent her for making him go and help the creep, for not seeing the signs.

It had been his haven for months, and Puck realized it was somebody else too when a punching bag turned up one day, hung up by a metal chain attached to a metal support beam.

Puck walks in to the dark abandon warehouse with is bathed in an ugly orange glow by a street-lamp directly outside the window. The Punching bag had been strategically positioned there and Puck has took the liberty of using it now and again, because, hey, if he's going to leave it out in the middle of nowhere, what does he expect?

He hears familiar grunting as he walks deeper in to the darkness towards the light in the middle and can see the outline of his figure, hunched over with boxing gloves on that are probably the same size as his head.

Puck stands there silently for a moment, and is surprised Blaine hasn't realized he's there by the slapping of his boots against the stone. He probably hasn't been able to hear him over the volume of his music on his Ipod and He's obviously too lost in thought to notice. He's normally gelled hair is sticking up and curling from the sweat and Puck wonders if he should suggest that Blaine shaves it off like he does, but he guesses Kurt would have a hissy fit at Puck if he did, and he just can't deal with the burst ear drums.

After a while, he thinks it's only fair to let him know he's there, so calls out, "Anderson!"

The little guy jumps and looks over at Puck and blinks in surprise and Puck can see just how much he's sweating and figures he must have been there awhile. "Puck," and his voice his oddly soft, and Puck feels the muscle in his back tighten uncomfortable. "You okay?" He asks, and Puck swallows and calls himself stupid because there is no way that Blaine knows what went down in that office today. Or what went down in that house almost four years ago.

Puck frowns and give Anderson his best 'don't-fuck-with-me' glares. "I'm fine. Why?"

Blaine blinks again and seems surprised out how tense Puck sounds and Puck curses himself for sounding so defensive. Blaine shrugs. "Nothing, just Finn and Rachel saw you run out in the middle of the day and you never turned up for Glee Club." He explains and Puck just stays silent for a moment and wonders if he should leave. "Is something wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine continues to ask, and Puck wonders what the fuck is wrong with him, how can he be so nice and supportive?

Puck just glares, "Do I look like I wanna talk?" He snaps, and then regrets it, because now it makes it sound like something is wrong, and he doesn't want to even admit that it is.

Blaine regard him for a moment and then smiles. "No, I guess not." And Puck just presses his lips together, because what the hell is with this guy? How can he be so chipper? "I won't make you talk, I can see you obvious aren't ready to." Puck just wants to growl at him, because can't Blaine see he's fine? He was fine four years ago when it first happened, even though it made him feel sick and dirty and used he was still fucking all good and dandy and why can't Blaine see that?

Then Blaine offers, "We can spar, that always makes me feel better when I need to let off some steam?"

Puck nods, because beating on people always makes him feel better after shit goes down.

So Puck toes of his boots because even though they're already scoffed and dirty and second-hand he still doesn't want them getting damaged even more. Blaine chucks his boxes gloves to the side, so it's a 'fair fight' and they both know enough about fighting to not seriously hurt their opponent if they don't need to.

It feels good to be fighting again, it's been ages since he fought anybody, and even though he doesn't intend on hurting Blaine because he's pretty sure Kurt won't forgive him for that ether it's still nice to focus on the technique of it all. To let his brain be over taken by all these methods, to be driven by a natural instinct that's almost primitive but knowing they've developed enough to be able to control it, to gauge the strength behind there attacks so no serious damaged is inflicted.

It feels great.

And for a little guy, Blaine sure has one hell of a left hook.

Then just as Blaine is just about to deliver what Puck can only amuse is a killer punch to his shoulder, he ducks and grabs Blaine's wrist in a steel grip and then grabs a hold of his triceps before turning slightly and effortlessly flipping him over his shoulder. Before Puck has a chance to turn fully towards Blaine and gloat, he feels something strike the back of his knees and they buckle under his weight and Puck collapse to the floor like a man who's been drowning.

He's too tired to get back up. Fuck it, he thinks, he should just stay here all night. His mom wont care.

So he just lays there and listens to their joint panting and gasping and the sound of the music in the background.

_She doesn't look, she doesn't see  
Opens up for nobody  
Figures out, she figures out _

Puck hasn't heard this song before, but the start is promising. Then the next part makes him sit up and feel ill.

_Narrow line, she can't decide  
Everything short of suicide  
Never hurts, nearly works _

_Something is scratching it's way out  
Something you want to forget about _

Then Puck shivers, because there is something about the song that just speaks to Puck and all those damn thoughts are swimming in his head before.

_A part of you that'll never show  
You're the only one that'll ever know  
Take it back when it all began _

And Puck thinks about how this secret has been his too keep for the last four years, and how only him and Rhyerson knew. He was nothing but Ryerson's dirty little secret and Puck closes his eyes as images flashes against his eyeballs, making them sore.

_Take your time, would you understand  
What it's all about  
What it's all about _

He wondered what would happen tomorrow. Or if he should even go in to school, he didn't know if he was brave enough to face them tomorrow. He knew they'd most likely of phoned his mom and he doesn't want to face her ether. Maybe he should just run away...

_Something is scratching it's way out  
Something you want to forget about  
No one expects you to get up  
All on your own with no one around _

"Puck?" Puck actually jumps when he feels Blaines hand on his shoulder and his voice ring in his ears. He thinks about how Blaines' arm feels warm against him and looks over his shoulder to see concerned brown eyes. "You okay?

Puck blinks because Blaine actually looks like he wants to answer, and his hand doesn't feel firm enough to be controlling, so he knows Blaine isn't demanding an answer out of curiosity, out of pure interest. It dawns on Puck that Blaine's hand is comforting, supportive, like he actually cares if something is bothering Puck, like he really does want to help.

But Puck has seen the bruises and the scar across Blaines' chest from a knife and Puck can sympathy because he's been stabbed in Juvie and that shit fucking hurt. But he figures that Blaines home life isn't as good as they probably all think and that the dawf has his own demons to fights, so probably doesn't want to hear Pucks. But Blaines still got his hand on his shoulder and is giving him this look that says he does care and Puck doesn't know what to make of it.

Puck can't understand why Blaine would be bothered. He has his own problems, because hell, Puck isn't stupid, he knows Blaines home life isn't great, and Blaines got a guy to keep happy too. Kurt's pretty high maintenance for a guy. But Puck's home life isn't great ether and he's had Blaine ranting at him before about why people can't leave him alone and Puck cares. Puck really does care and he wishes that if he was smarter he could be able to say something sensible, or work out a way to help. He really wishes he could make things better for Blaine.

So, maybe you just have to go through tough shit to be able to really empathizes with other peoples shit.

Puck sighs heavily and mutters, "I've really fucked things up." Then Puck groans and rubs his face as he thinks back to what he's said, and now his mom probably knows and he doesn't think he can ever face Mr. Schuester again and they're probably make him go see Miss. P and Puck wonders if he can just dig a hole and hide himself from the world.

Blaine doesn't say anything, just nods mutely and squeeze Puck's shoulder, encouraging him to go, but he's not demanding answers, not forcing him. It makes Puck feel a little bit better about saying it all. "I just, I-i slept with Shelby and Figgens found out," Puck swallows the nerves in his throat and stands up because he's got all this energy again that he just needs to burn off. "I got pissed off 'cause they fired her and she's got a kid, you know? My kid and I, it just ain't fair 'cause last time I slept with a teacher I didn't want to and I did this time, but he never got fired for it and it just isn't fair that she did!"

He starts walking back and forth at this point, ranting about how unfair it all is and he hasn't noticed that Blaines gone all stiff and looks shocked. "Puck, did that teacher, did he..." And Puck freezes, because no, Blaine can't say it, because if Blaine doesn't say it then it isn't true and he isn't just some helpless whimpering victim and it doesn't seem so damn shameful. Because fuck it, guys like Puck weren't meant to get into situations with guys like him.

He watches Blaine as he takes a deep and regards Puck warily, like he's a caged animal that could bite of his hand at any moment. Puck swallows, praying that Blaine doesn't say it. Doesn't conform it. "Did he rape you?"

And that's it.

Puck can't stop what starts spilling out of his mouth next. It's like an uncontrollable tidal-wave and this time Puck does let it wash him away with the emotions. He seems to miss an important part of their conversation where he some how ends up on his ass and he's crying and he's told Blaine everything and somehow ended up in the shorter teens arms and he's rocking Puck slowly.

He hadn't meant to tell him any of this. Like how he used to do odd cleaning jobs around the neighborhood and Mr. Ryerson had gone to school with his mom. Or that he told his mom that he felt uncomfortable around him, but she told Puck he was just being ridiculous and needed to stop being so immature or about how he he made him some home made lemonade and something tasted weird about it that day. Then when Puck tried to leave because he felt ill that day, but Ryerson kept coming up with choirs for him to do and by then the drugs kicked in and Puck couldn't even see straight, let alone walk home. And then after Mr Ryerson had 'tried to make him feel better' and then took him home, telling his mom he had came down with something, Puck was already convinced nobody would believe him.

Puck remembered thinking that adults weren't meant to help thirteen and fourteen year old boys clean themselves, that their eyes weren't meant to linger down there for too long and insisting that he could do it himself, was old enough to do it. Puck had fought with his mom for ages, begging her to let him just shower at hers. Asking, does it really matter if I get dirty? Remembering wondering why did his mom have to be so strange?

He could still recall the burning pain, the nausea after, the paranoia, wondering if they could see it? Did they know? And asking himself why they didn't? Why his mom didn't see the changes in him, didn't think more into it when he started high school and demanded to stop seeing Ryerson? Couldn't she see he was trying to tell her something, that he was begging her to ask why he was so reluctant to go around his house, to shower at his or eat his food or drink his drinks?

Why didn't anybody notice?

Did nobody care?

Blaine's rubbing a hand up his back and Puck thinks it's weird, because Blaine isn't coming on to him, he's just trying to help, trying to make it better. Puck tries to swallow down the tightness in his throat and mutters, embarrassed, "Sorry." He pulls away and wipes furiously at his face, like it would hide the evidence that he's just been crying his eyes out for how ever long. His ribs and back are aching, and he's not sure if it was partially due to the awkward position, or the sobs that shock his ribs.

Blaine blinks at him slowly as if his brain has frizzled down from Puck's admission, and it's only just starting to reboot. "What? Don't be silly, it's fine."

Puck shifts awkwardly and mores away slightly. Puck isn't sure if it's due to all the factors of what has just happened, or the tone Blaine's talking to him, but the whole situation is way to intimate then Puck's really comfortable with. Blaine always uses the word silly when he talks to Kurt, and to Puck it seems too personal, like its their word, their thing, and Blaine shouldn't be using it with him.

"Thanks," he whispers, his voice raw and tight. He tries to clear it, but it just seems to leave a scratching sensation in his throat and he resists the urge to clear it again.

"That's ok," Blaine replies quietly and he's smiling at Puck. Its a small smile, with soft eyes that are understanding and reassuring.

Puck exhales slowly and looks away.

"You ok?" Blaine asks, and Puck was dreading that question, because he knew it was coming sooner or later, if not today, then ether when he gets home to his mom or goes in to school next. Pucks pretty sure he isn't suited to deal with all his emotional baggage right now. Puck's pretty sure he isn't capable of managing more than one word right now.

Blaine's still looking at him, and all Puck wants to do is crawl in a hole, curl up in to a fetal position and never ever come back out again. He just wants to hide from everybody, he can't deal with staring into anybodies face right now. It just seems too up, close and personal. He's pretty sure if he looks into anybodies eyes right now, they'd be able to see right down into his soul. All the chinks and cracks in his battered Armour, all the weaknesses that he has tried so hard to hide for years, to cover up with his 'badboy' facade, that nothing hurts him, that he isn't scared of anybody.

He can't look Blaine in the eyes as he replies with a rudimentary 'fine'. Whether it's from shame, or numbness, Puck can't determined. He isn't very good on picking out and identifying his emotions. He normally has to wait a few hours, possibly days or even weeks before he is actually brave enough to look back and reflect on what has happened, to place his emotions and work out how he felt and why he felt that way.

This whole situation is just too over-whelming.

He just wants to hide.

He wants to hide in shame, because he has had over four years to reflect on how he feels, to realize why he hasn't been brave enough to face up to it, to tell his mother the real reason why he is so reluctance to admit it to anyone, to his mother.

Blaine chuckles softly and Puck has enough fight left in him to at least glare at him for that. It's making him feel like an indignant child.

Blaine smiles almost sheepishly at him and says, "I wouldn't say you were fine, but you are at least feeling better though, right?"

Puck blinks excessively for a moment, and he feels his jaw become sleek. He wasn't really expecting that question, but he knows slowly and finds he isn't numb enough to at least return Blaine's sheepish smile.

They just sit there in silence, Blaine's trying not to stare at Puck too obviously, and Puck is just staring down at his lap, picking the invisible dirt out of his nails.

Part of Puck wishes his mom would ring, call him and demand to know where he is and that she wants him home, and another part of his just wants to stay sat in the abandon warehouse, hidden from the world and prying eyes. He just wants to stay there, blissfully numb where he doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness, the embarrassment he knows he will have to face when he gets home, when he goes back to school. He just wishes he could stay in his little bubble, away from the world.

"Puck," Blaine starts cautiously, and Puck looks up from his hands to glance at Blaine briefly, to let him know he is listening. "Have you ever...Have you ever thought about going to the police?"

"No," Puck replies instantly, and then says, "I mean, I thought about it, but I just...I couldn't..." He knows how weak that must make him seem, and he looks down again.

"Well maybe you should think about it again."

"No," he says immediately again, swallowing. "I can't," he's finding it hard to breath now, and he wonders if he's developed some sort of anxiety disorder.

Puck flinches when he feels Blaine's hand grip his shoulder and curses himself for it.

"Hey, calm down, it's alright." He hears Blaine say, but he doesn't really register it. "But Puck, do you really want him to still have that type of power over you?" His voice is getting louder now, clearly because he's trying to get a point across, trying to make Puck realize that it's the right thing to do.

Puck knows it probably is the right thing to do, that if it was one of his friends in the situation he's in, he'd tell them to go to the police, to get justice. Puck can't though. He just isn't brave enough.

"He doesn't!" Puck denials, because as far as Puck is concern, he doesn't. That man doesn't have any hold over him anymore, he hasn't seen him in over two years, and he hasn't touched him in four.

Blaine raises one of his triangle eyebrows, and Puck's surprised Kurt hasn't tried getting him to pluck them yet, and Blaine says softly to him, "How many people have you told Puck? Besides today, how many people know?"

And Puck finds he doesn't have an answer for that, because besides today, he's never told anybody. It's almost painful for him to answer, because he knows it's just proving Blaine's point. That he does have power over him, after all these years, he still affects his life. "Nobody," he says, and he can feel that tightness in his chest again, the constriction on his lungs, making it hard to breath, making his head hurt and his eyes sore and he feels a stray tear leak from his eye and he wipes it away, furious at himself. It's been four years now, and he's never realized until now how much it really has affected him.

"And why? Why haven't you told anybody?"

Puck looks away again, because he doesn't want to answer the question, and he doesn't like what Blaine's saying to him, or the tone he's using. It's making Puck feel like a child, being scorned for something they know they're not meant to do, that they know is wrong.

"Puck, come on, tell me. You can trust me." He presses and Puck still won't look at him. "Noah, you can tell me."

And Puck hates himself now, because he's crying again, and the tears are burning his face and he's pretty sure that if he cries anymore, then people are defiantly going to be able to that he's been crying, that there's something not right with him.

"Noah-"

"'Cause I'm ashamed, Blaine! I can't- things like this, they don't happen to people like me, they just don't, it just...it doesn't," He snaps, because he's starting to get annoyed at him now, because it's bad enough he told the teachers but Blaine knows now too and he won't stop talking about it.

Blaine's making him relive it, making him really reflect on himself, on why he's let it stay with him all these, letting him hinder his relationship with practically everybody. With his mother, Finn and Santana for never noticing, or blatantly ignoring it. To all the teachers, for labeling him off as a trouble maker, to everybody who just seemed so happy and carefree. All there lives just seemed so perfect, with their happy families who love them and ask them if they are alright, ask them about school and their friends and how there day was and Puck's greeting was 'so what can I expect from the school today then?'

He wonders what her reaction was when they phoned her, if she was quiet from shock, or if she cried and blamed herself, or if she yelled down the phone that they were liar, or worse, that he was a liar.

Puck isn't sure if he will know how to cope if she calls him a liar.

He's pretty sure part of him will just shut down.

Puck wipes at his tears and he's trying to hide them from Blaine, but he's pretty sure Blaine isn't that dumb.

"So what now?" Blaine asks with a tone that sounds almost urgent.

Puck blinks slowly, because his brain is on overload at the moment and he can't deal with the amount of different emotions he has to deal with right now. "I, I don't know," his voice sounds a bit clear now, he's realized because he's changed the subject finally. "I never really thought about this day happening," He manages a laugh, which sounds more like a scuff though. "So I never really thought about what would go on after."

Blaine grins at that, and nods in understanding. "Yes, I suppose that was a bit of a stupid questions."

Then there's silence again, and Puck can feel the heaviness in his chest begin to lift.

"Do you think you're ready to face her?" Blaine asks as he moves his legs, which are probably going dead. "Your mom, I mean," He says as he sees Puck's confused expression.

"I..." Puck pauses, because he knows he has to do it sooner or later, but what if his mom does think he's a liar? What if she thinks he's just trying to be the bad kid again? He's already feeling pretty raw and sore, he doesn't know if he can handle another blow. "I don't know," he replies honestly.

"Well you can stay at mine if you like?"

Puck hesitates. "But dude...your dad..."

Blaine's eyes widen almost comically, and Puck knows it's not because he thought Puck wouldn't know, because he's ranted and raved about it enough in the last few months for Puck to realize that it's his dad, his dad that doesn't understand, that doesn't realize his own strength, that just won't let him be. Puck knows Blaine's surprise is because he thought he had covered it well enough, that his 'code names' where good enough to keep it secret, covered up.

"Oh, he's away," and Blaines voice sounds small and it's strange for Puck, because it's him whose been the vulnerable one for the last god know however long. Now Blaine looks smaller then usual and Puck regrets bringing it up. Yet again though, Puck finds himself wishing he was smarter, that he could help Blaine out. "He's on a business trip, he's not due back to Friday, so you're more then welcome to crash at my place. I mean, if you want to."

Puck just nods slowly, because the idea of not going home sounds kind of ideal right now.

Blaine smiles and stands up, shaking his leg that has obviously gone dead and he laughs at himself before offering his hand to Puck.

Puck hesitates for a moment and then wonders why he is hesitating before taking Blaine's hand. He nearly ends up fall flat on his face though, because both of his legs are completely numb and he actually blushes when he falls on to Blaine. Blaine laughs again though, and Puck finds himself smiling sheepishly.

When they go out side they both shiver from the cold night air and as he climbs into Blaine's car it smells like pine and peppermint and the engine purrs to life and it just raises Puck suspicions that Blaine has money. Blaine plugs his Ipod into the dock and offers Puck to pick a song.

"So how much did your bike cost then?"

Puck blinks at that, because it seems so off topic from everything else that's happened today. They make small talk about moterbikes and Puck is surprised to learn that Blaine wants one someday, but his mother is adamant that they are death traps so he ended up with the car he has now. Puck's actually surprised to find out that Kurt is really good at working on cars and keeps Blaine's car up together.

It doesn't take them long to get to Blaine's house, and Puck isn't shocked to find out that Blaine lives on the richer side of town. In a house that's as wide as it is tall, a house Puck wouldn't even dream of owning. The house is chilly when they step inside, as well as quiet, nobody but them is home.

Blaine escorts him up to his room, which has a double bed in the middle, and is mostly browns, reds, greens and golds. It's kind of dark, but seems warm and homely and it's an indie type style that Puck is surprised he likes.

"You don't mind sharing a bed do you?" Blaine suddenly asks as he switching on his bedroom light. Puck blinks at his worried look. "I mean if it makes you uncomfortable or anything I can-"

"Dude," Puck stops him midway through his rant with a more confident voice then he actually thinks he should be using at the moment. "I be fine, really, it's not like I've never shared a bed before."

it's Blaine's turn to blink at him slowly now, and a smile gradually spreads over his face before nodding. Puck sits on the bed as Blaine leaves the room to grab him some spear clothes and Puck realizes that the room smells like pine and peppermint as well and the smell seems to help him clear his mind. Puck closes his eyes and breathes in slowly, enjoying the relaxing scent.

It's only then that Puck feels the exhaustion wash over him suddenly, like a tidal-wave, washing away all left sources of energy he possessed. He was half tempted to just curl up on the bed and drift off into a hopefully peaceful sleep.

He opened his eyes just as Blaine stepped back into the room, already changed, with some folded up clothes in one hand, and DVD in another.

"Here," he said, passing him the clothes. "They're my brothers," he tells Puck, and Puck gives him a curious look. He's never mentioned a brother before. "I brought some DVD too, if you wanna watch one," He continues to say, and shows Puck the films. They are all films Puck has seen before, but they are also some of Puck's favorites.

Despite knowing he wouldn't be able to stay up long enough to watch the entire film, but he chose Rocky, which makes Blaine grin at him.

"You can get changed in the bathroom over there. I put the film on while you get changed," Blaine tells him, and Puck does as he's told for once. The bathroom smells like strawberries and he actually finds himself getting a bit of a headache from it. He changes quickly, one to get out of the room faster and so Blaine doesn't knock on his door, worried that he's somewhere upset him.

Blaine's just pulling the covers over him when Puck leaves the bathroom and he stumbles over to him. Blaine has turned the main light off and his table light is on now, bathing the room in a warm puddle of light. Puck lays down, feeling a bit awkward as well as exhausted. He lays his head down on the puffed up pillows and his eyes lids begin to get heavy. They lay there silently for a while, just watching the movie, Blaine with avid interest and Puck is fighting to stay awake.

"I know we aren't like, the best of friends or anything," Blaine says, and Puck jumps awake, he hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep. "Sorry," Blaine says sheepishly, "it's okay, don't worry, if your tired I-"

"Nah man, it's fine, carry on," Puck tells him, and rolls over to his back to look up at Blaine, who has his pillows puffed up, so he's propped up.

Blaine smiles at him docilely. "Sorry," he says again. "I was just saying that even though before today we've never really spoken and that, but, if you need to, you can talk to me and that. I mean, I don't mean to sound audacious or inappropiate or anything, but I know you won't feel comfortable talking to the teachers and that, but I'm always here." Blaine's trying very hard not to look away from the TV, but Puck knows he's being sincere, that what he's saying for is for real. "I'm always a good ear to listen to and if you ever need any advice or anything..."

Puck regards Blaine for a moment before replying, "Thanks man, just...thanks." Puck can't really recall the amount of times he's been truly touched by somebodies words. He knows it isn't often, he's pretty sure the only over time he has been when he found out Quinn was pregnant with his daughter and Sarah had said that she would babysit her if he ever needed a break.

Blaine just smiles at him again and goes back to watching the TV again and now Puck's brain is running a mile a minute.

He knows it's going to be hell the next day, that his mom is ether going to be in hysterics, or furious. Then when he turns on his phone it's going to be flooded with text messages and missed calls. And when he goes back to school, Finn and Rachel will pestering him relentlessly and Finn's most likely going to act like a wary guard dog and Schuester going to shot him concerned looks and tell him he's always there for him if he needs to talk, and Miss. Phillsbury's door is always open for him.

That doesn't really matter right now though. Because all that matters is that right now, he has somebody who's there for him. Who knows and understands what he's been through, what it feels like to feel so desperate, to feel that nobody understands.

But all that really matters now, is that somebody knows. That this dark secret he's carried around like a chain and ball for all these years has began to lighten, now he has somebody who's offering to help carry the weight with him. Who's willing to stay with him after all the shit he's put him through today, after all the term-oil has settled down is willing to just sit there and relax with one of his favorite films.

All that matters to him right then is that he has somebody that cares about him, and knows how to show it.

Puck pulls the quilt closer to him as his eyes grow heavy again.

Despite everything that has gone on that day, Puck goes to sleep with a small smile on his lips.

He has a friend that cares enough not to ignore the signs, to really listen to what he has to say, and that's all Puck's really wanted.

Puck watches Blaine as he leans over to switch the bedside lamp off with a gentle click.

Sleep hit Puck almost instantly.

AN: Well, if you read 8000 words, then that must mean you enjoyed it, right? Well anyway, I hope you did :) This is a joint account as well, where me (Bella) and my best friend (Grace) will be writing individual stories, as well as co-written ones. If you want anymore information it should hopefully be on our profile page. P.S; Sorry for any mistakes, I don't have an actual spell checker at the moment because I don't have word anymore.


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